Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
