I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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