i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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