When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I haven't been this sober since birth.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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