I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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