I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
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