I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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