I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
