i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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