Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
