Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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