ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
zippers are such a cool invention
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
