i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
