Screwed.edu
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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