I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i think i have two assholes
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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