Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
