Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
