I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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