How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
