What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
