Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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