she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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