Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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