fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
