i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
that is very illegal...i love you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
