Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
