I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm always down for nudity.
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