literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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