They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
