Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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