i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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