Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
