Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's blow job season.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
