he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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