Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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