I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
