you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
