I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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