dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i think i have herpe
just one?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
