would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
