Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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