you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
