You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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