Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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