Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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