remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
