She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
