hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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