What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
