is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
