The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
