Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
