It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
