Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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